How to rebuild your marriage after infidelity – when you are the unfaithful husband
Be careful, guard your heart and eyes. We see in the bible where David committed adultery with Bathsheba, Affairs are deadly and can mess up your whole life and it all starts with looking, lusting, and one moment of weakness. Sometimes intentional and other times unintentionally. Your marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce there is still hope. Here are 13 ways you can rebuild your marriage after infidelity:
1. Ask for forgiveness from your spouse
You have harmed your wife and should ask for her forgiveness. If you feel genuine remorse then you will be rushing to your wife to tell her that you are sorry. Try not to apologize with too many words that might not say what you mean. Use simple words that are not ambiguous. Say words like “I was wrong because I cheated.” “Will you forgive me.” “Please forgive me.” Say what you mean from your heart.
2. Ask God for forgiveness
Ask God for forgiveness, just like David did when he sinned with Bethsheba. Read Psalm 51 and cry out to God with sincerity. You should feel sorry for your action and have a penitent heart. If you don’t and feel like you would still make the same mistake again. Then ask God to help you to feel sorry for your sins. Ask him to keep you back from presumptuous sins. He is willing and able. Repent and turn back to God he will forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Repent and let God do a new work in you. Pray to God to give you the strength to stay clear of all temptation.
3. Do not give her reasons to mistrust you
Once you have cheated on your wife then trust is broken. Broken trust will lead to anxiety and insecurity. A person who feels insecure will question your every move and might judge you based on your past actions. Do not give her reasons to mistrust you. Go where you say you are going and do what you say you will do. Be open and honest with her always. Never be caught in a compromising position, flee from the things that cause you to be unfaithful, in the first place. Rebuild trust because infidelity can kill trust.
4. Give your spouse space
Your wife is feeling hurt and betrayed. Try to understand her feelings, put yourself in her shoe. Step back and allow her to grieve. You have hurt her and crushed her heart. You broke your marital vows and caused her shame. So give her some space, allow her to reflect, and allow God to heal her broken heart. Give her time to forgive you. It will not happen overnight and you will have to regain her trust by proving that you have changed.
5. Seek counsel and professional help
It’s good to seek the help of a marriage counselor, pastor, or therapist. who will keep the discussions focused, unbiased, and result-driven. This will help to identify root problems that might be more obvious to a trained person and find ways to solve them. Some couples are reluctant to share their feelings with a third party but there is so much to gain. Encourage, your wife to go to counseling with you.
6. Stop the affair
Stay away from the temptation and the cause of your fidelity. End the affair, remember the bible says yield, not to temptation. “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God,” (Romans 6:13 KJV). Ask God to give you the strength to end the affair and stay away from the person.
If it’s someone you work with then change your job, if it’s not that easy then try your best to avoid being alone with the person you cheated with. Stay away, they might still want to carry on and make things hard for you to let them go. But you must refuse and stay away from this temptation. If you are having a hard time separating yourself then seek professional help.
7. Talk to your spouse
Your spouse will have a lot of questions. It is best to come clean and be honest about everything. No use hiding some of the details that might just come out in the future and make matters worst. Come clean. Do not play the blame game and put all of it on your spouse. Show the remorse that you are feeling and work hard to leave the past behind. Encourage your wife to open up to you about her feelings. Make sure you always have a kind word for her and tell her how sorry you are. Express your remorse as best as you can. Support each other through this rough time. Communication is very important during this time.
8. Be patient
The hurt, pain, and shame that you inflicted upon your spouse will take some time to heal, so be patient. Work on making things right with your wife. Give your marriage time to heal. It will take time to rebuild trust but slowly but surely you will get there.
Know that you choose the path for your life. No one pushed you to do this wicked act against your wife. Admit that you have done wrong and own up to it like a man. There might have been circumstances that you thought were beyond your control but at the end of the day; the blame still lies with you. No need to pass it on to innocent victims.
9. Acknowledge that you have done wrong
Realized that you did your wife a great injustice. Turn to her and ask for forgiveness. There is no way or reason to justify it. Infidelity is wrong. Stay clear from the factors that can cause you to stray and commit to this sin. Know that infidelity is wrong in the eyes of God and Man. Remember the oath that you took, “Forsaking all other.” Don’t lie to yourself or your wife. Show faithfulness and integrity and make a conscious decision to turn and go right and not go back. Just know that infidelity can kill a loving relationship
10. Change your behavior
Apologies do not try to justify your past behavior. Show how you decide to make your marriage better. If you use to stay out late or go places that you shouldn’t; then stop. Spend your time with your wife and family. Let her see that you are making every effort to make things right again.
Remember God sees you and he knows your heart, you cannot hide anything from him. Both spouses must be willing to work hard at making the marriage work. Let your wife see that she can trust you because you always keep your promise and accept responsibilities. It hard for a relationship to grow when there is hurt and pain.
11. Be honest
It is a sin to lie. “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor,”( Exodus 20:16 KJV) A marriage built on lies will soon fall. Be honest with your wife about everything you are facing in your life. Remember that marriage is a partnership and you shouldn’t act as if you are alone. Infidelity can kill loving emotions. Be honest and open with your wife about everything and encourage her to do the same. In this way, you will grow stronger together. Remember that whatever is done in darkness will eventually come into the light.
12. Stay together
Spend time together working through everything. Talk it out, listen to your wife and allow her to express the emotions she is feeling. Be sympathetic and support her in every way you can. Infidelity can destroy the family foundation of both families of the perpetrators. Don’t let it destroy your family.
13. Forgive yourself
Your wife is the victim but if you are feeling remorseful, forgive yourself. If you are genuinely sorry you might be feeling guilty and rotten inside. Guilt can eat at your soul and damage your heart and mind. So forgive yourself and don’t make the same mistake twice. Remember we have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. Make a decision not to go down that road again, ask for forgiveness, let go and forgive yourself.
Prayer against infidelity
Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name. Lord, please restore our broken marriage. Father please forgive me of my sins and have mercy on me. I have hurt my wife and I am feeling so guilty. Lord, please heal our broken hearts and give us peace in our souls. Father, please bind us together with cords that cannot be broken. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.